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"Rapport
vs. Compliance: How to Get A
Completely Compliant Prospect"
by Dantalion Jones
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There is a lot of talk in the persuasion and NLP community about
rapport and how to gain it.
Yes, it is absolutely true what they say that "With rapport anything
is possible and without it nothing is possible." Plenty of trainers
have dedicated a LOT of seminar time to rapport building exercises
like mirroring and matching.
That said, I want to go up a level and talk about what we are really
wanting to achieve in persuasion and that is compliance.
Face it, if you are in a persuasion setting and have an outcome for
someone, what you want them to be is COMPLIANT to your outcome. If
you don't agree with that then LEAVE THIS PAGE NOW because it's a
simple fact that a lot of "white lighters" would rather not face.
It is possible to have compliance without rapport and many have
achieved that by threats, guilt, shame, guns to heads, and other
less-than-positive behaviors but there are a more pleasant ways to
gain compliance.
Ways to create compliance:
* Assume authority
By presenting yourself as the authority in what you know and what
you are doing people will tend to treat you accordingly.
* Ask for compliance
Bet you didn't think of that. Yes, you can do that by simply asking
somehow. Example: "I'd like to ask you to simply follow along here
and give my your whole attention. No doubt a lot of people might
have something else on their minds, so, for while I'm here would you
be willing to put those things aside for the next 5 minutes?"
* Build compliance
This is a old sales trick. The salesperson asks the prospect to sit
in a different chair than the prospect is sitting in or use one pen
instead of another. The salesperson then acknowledges the prospect
each time he complies. One famous lecturer would frame success in
his training as requiring a need for 'discipline' and, under that
pretense, ask the audience to discipline themselves to stand up from
their chair, turn around and sit down every time he snapped his
fingers. After snapping he fingers every ten minutes during his 2
hour presentation he built a very compliant audience.
In the area of successful dating for men someone came up with the
concept of the "mini-date" where the man would expose his date to
several different environments in one date. This could include
meeting at a coffee shop then going to a costume store to try on
costumes and followed by a walk through an antique store or some
unique part of town. All very cheap and creates an experience where
the woman yields to the experience that the man creates, subtly
creating compliance.
(I'd love to hear of any womans use of this technique.)
Now the same can also be applied in order to build rapport.
* Assume rapport
Present yourself as already being in rapport with your prospect.
* Ask for rapport
Not difficult. It could sound something like this "Bob, I'm going to
assume that I can feel comfortable talking with you today, like
we're old friends talking business. For while we're here would you
be willing to work from that same assumption?"
* Build rapport
Learn rapport skills and USE THEM!
Now the difference between rapport and compliance is that, as a
general rule, rapport is designed to effect the unconscious
behaviors and compliance directs the conscious behaviors.
There have been some very effective persuaders and therapists who
have relied solely on compliance, even to the point of breaking
rapport, and still gotten good results. My advice USE EVERYTHING to
get your outcome.
What internal quality does it take to build strong compliance? The
best quality is a fearless belief that what you are doing. Or, as
they explained in the movie "Glengarry Glen Ross", a set of brass
balls.
Good luck.
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